Is there a word for the opposite of having green fingers? Because that’s me. I cannot even seem to keep the most low-maintenance plant alive. I visit friends and envy their beautifully nourished and groomed terrace gardens. My self-esteem takes a hit sometimes, because according to society, green fingers are a symptom of a generous, nurturing human being, aren’t they? I must have a selfish, cold heart that I absolutely can’t keep any plant alive. Now, I know I can be nurturing without knowing how to care for plants; and not everyone who is a great gardener is a nature-loving person; I also know I do NOT have to be good at everything. (If only I were, I could just ignore my unhealthy fear of failure and move on with my life!) But, it still doesn’t stop me from thinking less of myself.
It's not that I haven't tried this sincerely. I have tried growing plants multiple times, with different kinds… Flowers, a cactus, money plant, herbs… Unmistakably, after a few days, I’d find myself staring at yellowed leaves and dried, sad-looking flowers, feeling a sense of loss and a pang in my stomach reminding me that I had failed yet again. I even tried growing sprouts in water- the easiest. I began by surfing enough videos to fill my entire YouTube feed with gardening tips, and then dared to act. It was all fun and games until the soil-free experiment culminated into something resembling a fungal growth project. I was devastated. The self-doubter in me hummed the old ‘I told you so’ notes. Having seen enough greens turn dead on my watch, I admitted, once and for all, that I didn't have what it takes.
Out for a walk in a park one day, I picked up a fallen flower and took it home. Without much thought, I placed it inside my notebook and forgot about it for a month or so. I found it later- completely dehydrated, its petals having become paper thin, and the colors having disappeared to leave a residue of autumnal shades behind. It looked beautiful! I pasted it on a sheet of paper and made a bookmark. The familiar sight of a dried flower confused me because it was now coupled with an unfamiliar little bubble of pride inside me. I had made something pretty, with my own hands! It wasn’t bright, cheerful flowers popping up on a bush that I had lovingly grown myself, but it still had a charm to it!
I realized that I had altered my gaze to find beauty where I only saw my weakness before. I don't want to exaggerate this into an epiphany. But my mind has been fed and watered with symbolism all my life, and symbols are what it is going to flower with (Self-awarded points for a gardening metaphor!). I somehow looked at the incident as flipping one’s thought process to better perceive the self. So what if I couldn’t keep plants alive? I could find and create beauty with the no-longer-alive! A flip that you could apply to anything you assume to be your shortcoming…
‘I never seem to be able to reach places on time!’
-Maybe you are spontaneous enough to not need a planned schedule all the time!
‘I can never strike a conversation with a stranger…’
-Well, you being quiet invites more open and frank conversations from others!
‘I miss deadlines sometimes…’
-But you perform every task with the utmost attention to detail and don’t stop until it’s perfect!
‘I am sensitive to criticism.’
-That’s what makes you willing to act on feedback.
‘People say I take too few risks in life.’
-And you are the person they turn to when they need a back-up plan.
‘I am boring.’
-You have the grit to get through the monotony of life without seeking adventure all the time.
‘I get carried away with my emotions.’
-You enrich your life when you experience emotions with complete honesty.
‘I am so indecisive.’
-That ensures whatever decision you do take is thoroughly thought out.
Stop painting yourself with your ‘can’t’s. The key to mental health is accepting yourself, not trying to change your entire personality (unless you are a serial killer). One of the steps to self-acceptance is knowing the reasons and consequences of your so-called weaknesses. Ask yourself if you are really lacking something here, or are you just demonizing a neutral quality of yours out of societal pressure? And in the process, are you missing out on appreciating something about yourself?
Do not give up on self-improvement that you want for yourself; but make sure the desire is coming from inside you, not from the criticism you hear about your quirks! Remember the other side of the coin. Stare at your dead plants hard enough. You might find a ‘will’ in that wilt!
About the Author:
Adwaita, is a psychologist and PhD scholar with experience in design and delivery of psychometric assessments, 360 degree feedback surveys, and other HR tools. She has worked with clients from various industries to provide elegant solutions for recruitment, promotions and leadership identification. She provides services in tool construction, research consultancy, content writing and translation, with a focus on social sciences. Strong analytical skills, clinical exposure and diverse industrial experience make her an excellent assessor and consultant with a holistic perspective.
(For assistance, feedback and inquiries contact The Secret Ingredient.)
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