How I Outgrew My Therapist

The word therapy scares a lot of people. It did to me too, up until I was sitting on the chair with a therapist in front, and very soon I realised this is one of the best places I could be in. View from the chair, I had the best person as a therapist in front of me. And yet, I outgrew her. Yes, she's proud about it, too!

Let me tell you, therapy feels like that childhood memory where you're learning to ride a bicycle and your dad holds you back. You don't realise when he leaves you. And when you do realise, it scares you that he's not alongside, yet it amazes you that you're able to do it without him because all this while you thought you couldn't. Therapy was like that to me. Up until a point I thought therapy is all I want in my life, it amazed me when I realised I could possibly be without it too.

I believe true growth began when I realised that my therapist did not hold any other title in my life except a therapist. She wasn't going to replace my mother, my father, my friend or any other relationship that I wished for. She owned a place of a therapist and I think that's one of the most beautiful places in my life.

As much as forming a sensitive relationship with my therapist scared me, these feelings of having independent emotions that did not relate to therapy scared me too. I started to question myself whether I was losing interest in therapy, or whether therapy turned ineffective all of a sudden. But soon I realised I might be somewhere on the path of the goals that we had set. My therapist had quoted, "therapy is not about making you dependent on me. I'm here to help you learn how to help yourself". I believed I had finally started that journey.

A lot of things changed when I started to get back to sessions giving instances of where and how I used the tools I learnt in therapy apart from talking otherwise. A shift I observed was me waiting for sessions to tell my therapist what happened to waiting for sessions to tell my therapist how I managed to handle myself when something happened. A curve from unrealistically hopeful, to hopelessness and then to practically hopeful.

I selectively chose the word outgrowing for my journey because it was neither an overnight journey nor a bitter one. There was growth in it, plenty of it. There's definitely a sadness that comes along where there's growth. A sadness that I felt about the fact that I could not have my therapist all the time, and that I'm okay too. But if there's anything I could change about my journey in therapy, I wouldn't change a thing.

I am what I am because of my therapist, and I cannot be more grateful.

About the author

Divya Lilani is a content marketer by day and a writer by night. A Post Graduate in Human Development from Mount Carmel College, Bengaluru, she's exploring careers far from what she pursued. She actively spreads awareness about mental health and is currently exploring different expressive arts. In addition, her interests lie in photography and music.

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